why harry has to marry RIGHT NOW (cressida = fergie + prince = 1980/81 redux)

is this a new cultural (ie. daily mail) trend? this recent glut of Guys Who’ve Got To Get Married RIGHTNOW

last week it was Guys Who’ve Got To Get Married RIGHTNOW… macaulay culkin edition. this week it’s Guys Who’ve Got To Get Married RIGHTNOW… prince harry. and yes, yes, i realize we probably need more than a pair to constitute a glut, but still. it’s weird. in the tabloid press, men aren’t usually portrayed this way and now we’ve two in quick succession.

o-prince-harry-tatler-570 so the press has been banging the drum of Harry Has to Marry for awhile now…

because the press has also been banging the drum of harry WANTS to get married…


and harry WANTS to have babies…

from the Sunday Mirror

from the Sunday Mirror

a traditionally feminized narrative that it is rather beguiling to, at long last, see applied to a man, despite its still being deeply obnoxious.

so this has been going on for awhile, pretty much ever since the cambridges got married and harry gave some interviews wistfully reflecting that he would like to get married some day too.

but the march to westminster abbey seems to really have gained traction in the last few weeks.


primarily because cressida and harry have begun appearing in public more. not just sneaking to byron for burgers…


but actually going out in daylight and standing closer than ten feet apart…

summer 2013

summer 2013

march 2013 Getty, Karwai Tang / WireImage

march 2014
Getty, Karwai Tang / WireImage


in recent months, there’s been an inundation of  details about harry and cressida seeping out. we’ve been told cressida is making harry wait to marry her (a stance that appears almost radically feminist compared to the ‘waity’ narrative of kate middleton). that harry’s totally crazy about her because she’s not pushy. that they text all of the time and- in what is maybe my favorite quote ever uttered about anyone of the royal family- ‘it is emoji central’.


we’ve heard that cressida and duchess kate ‘aren’t a natural fit’. OR that kate is secretly advising cressida and they’re becoming BFFs. BFFs or enemies… take your pick.

the one thing that hasn’t been reported is the thing that is perhaps most obvious: they have some terribly blabby ‘friends’.


were i asked to call this, i should think the details that most support the idea of an impending engagement- or, at least, details that support the idea that the relationship is rather serious- are the fact that (1) cressida has (reportedlyessentially moved into KP, but, more tellingly, (2) SHE HAS ABANDONED HER DREAMS.

dream abandonment seems to be step #1 in becoming a princess.

exhibit A:

grace kelly

grace kelly

exhibit B:

or maybe that’s only a pre-requisite in monaco…

in particular, re-enforcing the idea of something more formalized between harry and cressida, there was a lot of talk about how the pair were going to be hosting an event at st. james together. (the news that they ultimately didn’t dropped with a gentler thud.)

and now we’ve got this:

Screen shot 2014-04-04 at 7.44.56 AMa ‘wedding summit’. omg.

so i want to talk about two things… cressida and 1980/81.

first, cressida. who is she? well, actually, come to think of it, i don’t even care who she is. rather, i care about how she’s being portrayed. and she’s being portrayed like this:


a free-spirit who wears overalls and scrunchies and takes selfies on the beach.

mind you, it’s not that this image isn’t based in a reality, because she has obviously done all of those things. but it’s also an image that is being reenforced by the press in support of a narrative.

cressida is being positioned as the anti-you-know-who…

Screen shot 2014-04-04 at 8.17.42 AMbe real. who do you want to hang out with?

Screen shot 2014-04-04 at 8.19.55 AM

but lo! everything old is new again!

Screen shot 2014-04-04 at 8.26.34 AM

cressida is actually tight with the york girls…


an association that easily lends itself to this:

Screen shot 2014-04-04 at 8.30.46 AM which, btw, have you ever noticed this?

Screen shot 2014-04-04 at 8.32.35 AM

connie britton stars in SHATTERED DREAMZ: the duchess fergie story, a lifetime original television event.

so there’s a precedent. and, if that precedent holds true, there will be a backlash. for it seems we can only stomach free spirits for so long…


second, 1980/81. remember that?

i don’t because i was an infant, but it looked a lot like this:

11-10-80-01 5092747169_2776bd64e3_b

7831497 11-10-80-02sound familiar? diana

3 thoughts on “why harry has to marry RIGHT NOW (cressida = fergie + prince = 1980/81 redux)

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  2. Pingback: HARRY HAS TO MARRY (writing men’s lives like women’s) | finding jackie

  3. Pingback: Prince Harry “Bridget Jones” Windsor, US Weekly, “the single life,” and futher thoughts on “Lothario DiCaprio” | finding jackie

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