oh, ya”ll.

but then maybe you don’t even care about gossip (in which case, why are you here?) so you’ve no idea the number of explosive bombshells we’ve been dealt these past few months. i will recap.

there was a point where johnny depp’s separation (or whatever it is you do legally when you’re not married to someone but have children with them and have to make public declarations via jann wenner when you drift apart) was the biggest story of the summer.

but then…

but wait, because shortly thereafter…

and the world was all like ohmygod until…

k.stew got caught necking with her director and the gossip world basically EXPLODED. with conspiracy theories, awkward public statements, slut-shaming, and lip-biting. which was THE BIGGEST THING EVER until…

ahhhhhhhhhh.

that right there, people, that is THE GREATEST SUMMER OF GOSSIP OF ALL TIME. for real. (to say nothing of katy perry dating john meyer, mila kunis hooking up with ashton kutcher, whatever is going down with chris brown and rihanna, li.lo’s return to “film,” taylor swift dating a high schooler, and jen aniston making all the world’s dreams come true by finally getting herself engaged.

oh, and this:

which seems, in retrospect, to have maybe been an indicator that we should’ve prepared ourselves for further naked english guests…)

we’re not likely to see this summer’s equal again for a long, long while- if ever- so i hope you’ve been enjoying yourselves.

if so, then you’re probably just as tired as me.

there’s rumors that “something worse” is going to emerge from hot harry’s sin weekend and, i kid you not, i can’t even make guesses as to what that might be. i’m so gossip fatigued that i’ve a total imagination fail.

this is also tied into the fact that there are some pretty enormous celebrity privacy issues wrapped in with the harry business, and i’m preoccupied enough with other writings that to fully engage with them would ravage my brain. but, really, i don’t even care. and i’m not sure if that’s because it’s harry and i like him or if i really am just that shell-shocked.

it’s been quite a summer. a summer that, with all this other chicanery, has had the effect of making kim kardashian seem mute.