(23 february 2011)

i am hereby formally pleased to announce that i have found what has a higher chance than anything else i have ever found before of being dame elizabeth taylor’s actual mailing address.

as in, when you google map it and do the street view and turn the little person icon all around, the street the little person icon views looks like a street elizabeth taylor might actually live on.

this is tremendous progress given that all prior addresses have yielded street views that do not look like places where drug dealers would live. much less liz taylor.

and, yes, dear world, this is who i am now. my research practices are dependent upon google street view.

despite the fact that the period of intensive googling i have devoted to the finding of this information could be characterized as stalking if that was a word of which you were excessively fond, i’m actually doing liz taylor a very great kindness. because this is information on which i have been sitting for over a week now.

i have her address. i have not yet written her a letter.

you may or may not have known- since it has gotten shockingly little press attention- that elizabeth taylor was hospitalized last week. the very day, in fact, after i found her address.

you may or may not also remember that the people i write regarding jackie have either died immediately before my finding them or taken to their deathbeds shortly thereafter.

it is a noble thing i’m doing here, in not writing liz taylor. i am, clearly, saving her life.

this is not an act entirely devoid of selfishness. because i’m counting heavily upon the hope that once she is better, liz taylor will see the error of her ways. realizing that her last interview cannot have been one with kim kardashian, she will- surely! obviously! of course!- grant an audience to an unknown. she will- surely! obviously! of course! maybe?- speak to me.