(18 february 2011)

if it is challenging to explain why one is good at what one does, it’s nearly impossible to put a price on it.

i have been asked to establish my fee.

this is a process enormously complicated by the fact that my fee has, thus far, been in the very wee digits. but i’m trying to be a biographer. like, for real. and i know the very wee digits do not help me do that.

so i am sitting on the fainting couch that is symbolic of my adulthood trying to solve a problem i’ve wrestled with since i began baby-sitting in middle school, when i took whatever they gave me at the end of the night and sacrificed many a friday evening for $5.95.

please note: the national minimum wage was $4.75 per hour. mine was $1.98.

that’s a monumental gap. as is the distance between $13.75 per hour and $75.

and while i know, in reality, i’m just determining the financial value of my hours, it feels like i’m being called upon to do so much more than that.

i’ve been asked to establish my fee. in doing so, i’m defining my value.

i’m sitting on the fainting couch that symbolizes my adulthood facing that girl who gave up her friday nights for $5.95.

it takes tremendous effort to not sell myself short. to admit what i think i’m worth.