this is an elaborate story – popularly known as “the war on terrier“- that i don’t really want to go into but basically…

a year ago, amber heard went to visit johnny depp during the filming of pirates of the caribbean “why is this movie even existing?” 5. when she did so, she snuck her two dogs into town without doing the proper paperwork/quarantine. thus, heard violated australian biosecurity laws.

today, the ruling came down and, lo, we are given the gift of this legally required apology video…

thoughts that arise…

these are ACTORS. whycome they are so unconvincing as contrite people?

(via youtube)

i seriously want depp’s reading of the line “it has to be protected” as my ringtone.

this line makes me wonder: did he ever read for a part in lord of the rings?

or, was lord of the rings his inspiration here? is this a method performance?

(via youtube)

but they appear to be acting in different films, non?

she is playing the part of scarlett johansson in he’s just not the into you and he is playing the part of bono in a documentary on the AIDS epidemic in africa.

(via youtube)

when depp tells us that australians are as unique as their wildlife, there was something weird in his cadences. it’s an element of this, innit?

(via youtube)

omg, the defeat when he tells us to “declare everything when you enter australia.” it sounds like he is saying this at gunpoint and it looks like he’s been the loser in a bar brawl.

(via youtube)

riddle me this: what are the odds this video is played onboard every airplane that lands in australia from this day forward? YES, PLEASE.