choose your own adventure


the eaton family question of the week (and i know you’re thinking, wait. they have a question of the week? yes. we also have a vegetable of the year. we’re cool. deal with it.) is this:

but oh yes… the game has rules.

you must pick one of the five following scenarios. you do not know if you are a man or a woman, rich or poor, well-educated, well-fed, well-shod, or well-armed. you have no super-human powers. in each case, there are clear advantages and clear disadvantages and in most cases you may or may not live, though in some you probably will and in others you most certainly will not.

the scenarios are these:

(1) titanic
pluses- you have sailed on titanic! if you’re a first class passenger, you presumably own a wardrobe valued at more than all our annual salaries combined. if you’re a woman in first class, you will survive.

minuses- 28 degree waters. if you’re a member of the crew, a woman or child in 2nd class or steerage, or a man, you’re dead. and there’s a slim chance you’ll be that guy who looked into kate winslet’s eyes when the bow was extended to 90 degrees, lost his grip and fell the whole way down, bashing into every obstruction on the decks on his way.

(2) pickett’s charge
pluses- you think you are fighting for a Glorious Cause! you and the 12,499 men standing with you are roused to victory by a stirring speech that will later be immortalized by martin sheen. you do not yet know the age of napoleonic warfare has come to an end.

minuses- the age of napoleonic warfare has come to an end. this realization will dawn while you are walking in a wool suit through 87 degree heat across a HUGE field directly into an army’s worth of guns. there’s a 99% that you will be hurt. there’s a 50+% chance you will die. if you happen to be directly under pickett, you’re pretty much dead before you’ve begun.

(3) the alamo
pluses- you have guns!

minuses- you will die, but you get to shoot back.

(4) the hindenburg
pluses- you enjoy a beautiful trip aboard one of the largest flying machines of any kind ever built! there’s a 64% chance you will live. there’s a 50% chance you will meet indiana jones.

minuses- you are flying through the air in a bag of burning gas.

(5) the spaceship columbia
pluses- you have been to outer space! your mission is complete.

minuses- your ride home will disintegrate, melt and fall to the earth in a million pieces. you will die.

the question is this:

in which of these disasters would you prefer to be?

3 thoughts on “choose your own adventure

  1. My answer stays the same from two years ago, and I still say that the Alamo has gotten the short end of the stick in the pluses and minuses – The 182 or so men who fought and died in the Alamo are pretty much all known by name – most were soldiers of fortune or others who escaped to Texas, rather than went there for a purpose. They lasted 12 full days under seige, and despite the bombardment, there were no casualties for the those twelve days. Unfortunately, on the morning of the thirteenth day they were overwhelmed, ran out of ammunition and were shot (multiple times), blown up (multiple times), bayoneted (multiple times), axed (not sure how many times, stripped, stacked in a pile and cremated. Their grave has become lost. What they accomplished is they allowed the independence and future statehood of Texas (9 years later), and they pretty much knew what they were fighting for. Of course the 100% casualty rate probably makes it a loser, but you could have hung out with Davy Crockett (Billy Bob Thornton) and Jim Bowie (Jason Patric)!!!!! Add to that I was born in Houston, so if I don’t fight, mom and dad possibly don’t get allowed in, I might not get borned, and this website never exists. Sounds pretty clear to me!

  2. I’m sticking with the Hindenburg because there are no guns, no cold dark water, and your survival rate is better than the Spaceship Columbia. Also, as a San Antonian, I’ve thought about the Battle of the Alamo probably more than most– the Alamo defenders were incredibly brave and courageous, but being surrounded by thousands of Mexican troops while listening to the Deguello (“death march”) and seeing the red flag above San Fernando Cathedral (no quarter) would have done me in before the battle even started. Walking directly into the bullets of your enemy as part of Pickett’s charge, say nothing of the wool uniform and the heat? No thank you.

    Yay, Eaton family question of the week!

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