my life with jackie / my life with christa / my life with burvil (cont’d)

it is so very different. and yet also eerily similar.

especially the way the story presses against your brain.

all of the voices within it, like a choir with an orchestra, but you don’t quite have the music.

so it’s just voices and that weirdly lovely chaos of noise when the orchestra is warming up.

Continue reading →

my life with jackie, redux; or, on melancholy

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it is like a nesting doll, all of it. my life with jackie, my writing about jackie. so that when i read the pages i have written about jackie, the whole book i have written on her life, it unpacks a whole series of memories of my own.

where i was when i wrote that sentence.

who i was sitting next to at the british library when i found that quote. (invariably, always, obviously, nanette.)

what i didn’t know was about to happen when i was in that archive.

the feeling of the wind in my hair and the blue blue sky above as i walked home after wandering round the yacht.

it is her life and it is mine.

they are, by this point, so braided up. Continue reading →

my life with jackie

it is like a nesting doll, my life with jackie. a series of anniversaries, each now saturated in its own memories.

because when you write about someone else, you are ultimately writing about yourself.

when you write about someone for twenty-five years, writing about that person is actually you living your life. Continue reading →